Hmm, I must have conveniently forgotten something absolutely monumental. Im torn between righteous outrage, pure confusion and regret.

Im actually...confused...by how erm, what is the word I am looking for? Wait, let me analyse it. I feel ashamed. Ashamed that I could ever have done something to be so irrevocable? Ashamed that at some point I could have..no, HAVE, done something to wound someone deeply enough and have been intentional. Remorse that actions and words of mine could have obviously been so ..big...and yet I cannot seem to remember. That feels like I have belittled something which hurts. I feel a little hurt, seflish as that is, at being so rebuffed. Part of me is more than sure I deserve it and part of me is crushed that I would break yet another thing I held as precious.

Part of me, the stupid, prideful part, wants to hole up in defensive stance and say fine! Do whatever!

But

Life is fleeting and the spongy part of me, the bit that absorbs things and bleeds them out. That part is screaming; Why must you always be such a complete idiot!?

So, my spongy bit, Im actually very enamoured with that term..I digress, my spongy part will absorb my wayward pride on the basis that it is ill founded, and humbly accept that mistakes are my forte. As such, and taking into consideration how fleeting life is and how vital certain things are, too vital to just break and not try, my spongy part says : You're right, I'll wait, Im sorry and forgive me.

Hmm. It's quietly curious how a face long passed and long since thought forgotten can trigger a spark of interest. Enough so that it changes your perspective, if only a little. I do miss Valorn. I miss how it was when I first set foot here, how easy and exciting everything was. How interesting people are. You forget that...the fact that everyone is interesting in their own way.

I wonder what is happening here, what has come to pass while I have slumbered. Are there new sights to be seen? New rules to be followed? New faces to be met? There must be the latter in the very least, for when I do wake it is not often I see many faces I remember.

Time seems to be slipping through my fingers. I try my best to hold it but it only filters through and flows away. It seems as though I blinked and eons passed. How precious is life that we seem so easily to waste it? Or perhaps, how little regard we offer time and its passing, when in truth it should be acknowledged and, for the most part, afforded its due respect.

I am a little scared to blink now. If I close my eyes, when next I open them will it be to nothing but a murmurs pass? Or will it be to a place I don't know, and a time I am unfamiliar with? In view of everything, what a wholly foolish fear to harbour.

Still, dare I close my eyes?